


Old Friends

by badlxnds



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a sad ending, Anxiety, Depression, Heavy Angst, I was sad and this happened, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Sad Ending, sorry for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 21:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9142477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badlxnds/pseuds/badlxnds
Summary: Yuuri is greeted by his old friends Anxiety and Depression.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Давние знакомые](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10739097) by [archeoptah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/archeoptah/pseuds/archeoptah)



Yuuri had experienced countless panic attacks from the age of five. The headache, closing of his throat, and blurred vision were all indicators of an oncoming attack that Yuuri could now sense in seconds. He was familiar with the dissociation from reality and greeted his anxiety like an old friend when it reared its ugly head. Depression would caress his cheek lightly and whisper sweet nothings into his ear.

_"Let go and it will all be over," Depression would hum._

_"Trust me, dear boy," Anxiety would murmur._

_"Come with us," they would say together._

More often than not, Yuuri wouldn't take much convincing and he would succumb to the pressure easily. Sitting with his head hung over the toilet in the morning became an almost daily occurrence for the raven haired boy. Sleep rarely found him and when it did, it clung on tight and made Yuuri miss half of the day. His mother would worry and his sister would be sent up to check if he was dead. When she saw her brother passed out with his head pressed against the porcelain bowl of the toilet, her eyes would soften. Gently, she would wake him and warn him that if he wasn't up soon, their mother might come to check on him. That always got him up and moving.

The days drilled on, stumbling and falling into each other to create an endless nightmare for Yuuri. Days faded into nights in the blink of an eye and hours were lost in long work shifts and after school study sessions.

The only time that Yuuri felt a little less depressed was when he was on the ice. Then, he became lost in the world of step sequences and triple axles. He allowed himself, at first, a few hours a week to be consumed fully by figure skating. And then all of a sudden he was spending more time at the Ice Castle than he was at home. The rink became his best friend and the chill in the air complimented his icy soul beautifully. The ice he skated on acted as a barrier between him and his dear friends, Anxiety and Depression. It held them off and let Yuuri express himself without the shadows looming over his small shoulders.

The ice was his first love, the first thing that made him feel warm inside, the first to show him a happiness he never thought possible.

Until the Grand Prix Final in Sochi.

The old friends had failed each other. Their love had proved itself breakable. Coming in sixth place, Yuuri had caught the ice giving him a pitiful stare. He looked down, ashamed of himself. Anxiety and Depression both rest a hand on one of his shoulders and led him away, consoling his tears in a bathroom cubicle.

He allowed them to take full control of him after that. Let them call the shots and wake him up at three in the morning to vomit. It was easier this way, less for him to deal with and worry about. They took his cares away and wiped his tears with scratchy napkins.

And then, Viktor Nikiforov showed up in his life and challenged everything that Yuuri had previously known. If Yuuri was a nor'easter, Viktor was a tropical storm. He was warm and lively and everything that Yuuri wasn't. His colorful personality lit up Yuuri's dull world and brought back his love for the ice.

Their life together wasn't perfect, but it was enough. Yuuri was Viktor's impulse control, stopping him from getting into fights over food and from buying all the coats that Burberry had to offer. Viktor was the light that scared away Anxiety and Depression.

Most of the time.

Tonight, Yuuri is hunched over the toilet once more heaving into it at two in the morning. Tears roll down his cheeks as Anxiety and Depression look menacingly down at him.

_"You don't deserve him," utters Anxiety._

_"He'll leave you," huffs Depression._

_"You're so pathetic," they hiss as one._

Yuuri shakes his head to rid himself of their voices. He sobs into the bowl, "that isn't true! You're lying!" He tries to reason with them, tries to tell them that he is better than what they have been telling him all along. But he fails.

_"You'll never be worth anything," Depression growls._

Yuuri is defenseless against his old friends. Their words slice into his flesh like knives and he's left bleeding out on the bathroom floor. His vision is splotchy, and all he can hear is the low hum of Depression and Anxiety as he loses consciousness.

-

"Yuuri!"

Viktor pulls on the door handle to the bathroom desperately, but it's locked. He starts to knock his socked foot against the door, to no avail. Finally, he slams his body against the door and falls into the cold room.

What he sees will scar him for the rest of his life. It will haunt his dreams and wake him up in a cold sweat as he screams and cries. He will try to forget with medication and therapy, but he will never be able to get the sight of his fiancé lying over the toilet with his wrists slit vertically.

Viktor wails in horror, falling against Yuuri and trying to shake him awake. He doesn't remember when he takes his phone out and calls the police, but suddenly he's giving them the address of their hotel and their room number. All he can do is wait and try to stop the bleeding.

"Yuuri, please! Please don't leave me like this," he cries. He presses towels firmly against his fiancé's wrists and begs him to not let go. "We have so much left to do, please, Yuuri!"

When the police arrive, they have to pry Viktor off of his counterpart before they can lift him onto the stretcher and haul him to the hospital. Viktor rides with them, brushing the hair out of Yuuri's face as tears fall rapidly down his own.

Yuuri is taken immediately into surgery to stitch up his wrists and to have a blood transfusion. Viktor, still a mess, calls the only person he can think of at this moment. His former Russian rink mate, Yuri Plisetsky. He informs him quickly and messily of what's happened and asks him to call everyone else. Yuri understands and complies without a question asked.

-

Two months later, Viktor lies in bed crying quietly. A hand is placed over is mouth to muffle his sobs. He mourns for his fiancé, thinking about everything that he could have done. And everything that he didn't do. His mind is a mess and he has lost hope to ever continue living without Yuuri.

Across the room, Anxiety and Depression are curled up in the love seat, smiling at their new friend.


End file.
